[This is a transcript of a news conference held by the independent presidential candidate, Phillip Diamond.]
Q: What will your policy be toward the European Union?
A: If they get out of line, I’ll nuke them back to the stone age.
Q: Do you know what the Constitution is?
A: Oh my God. I thought you Jews were supposed to be smart. Yeah. Constitution is the stuff that gives you hit points.
Q: Have you ever taken acid?
A: Not for at least two weeks. Know where I can get some?
Q: Do you know who was assassinated at the end of the American Civil War?
A: A bunch of people. Kennedy. John Lennon. That guy they named the streets after…. People were getting bumped off left and right.
Q: What does capitalism mean to you?
A: You do capitals with, like, people’s names. And the start of sentences. Could we stay on topic here, folks?